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A common situation that many parents face is dealing with their children's behaviors. For example, let's say you had a five year old child that has just entered school. She was a polite, considerate, and helpful young lady at home and in front of her teachers. However, her behavior has recently changed at home and it involves talking back, swearing, and discussing sex in general terms. She learned these behaviors from other kids at school. I am not sure how I should teach her to make the right choices about right vs. wrong. She has already skipped school at the urging of her 5 year old friend. HOw can I help her when she is out of my supervision at school? How do I instruct to make the right decision on her own? Hmmm, how indeed? Let's look at the underlying principles. Kids in general try hard to do well in life. Their behaviors reflect what they think will bring them a successful result. The problem is that their idea of a successful result might not be the best idea. Sometimes they want the basics like hunger, warmth, and food. Or they might strive to have their parent's approval and love. Or they might be out to just have a good time. They will exhibit the behavior they believe will get them the need they have at that time. They will find that their behaviors don't always result in success. They learn from this and experiment with other behaviors until they find the ones that yield the desired result. When deciding what behavior to have we rely on experience, direction for our parents, and our skills and abilities. We create a group of behaviors that we hope will serve our needs effectively. Once we find behaviors that seem to pay off well for us, then we tend to stick with them. The more we repeat them, and the more often they work, the more firmly they will be entrenched as our default behavior. Returning to your 5 year old daughter. This behavior is a sign that she is in the process of experimenting. She is in a new situation at school and this has expanded her world. She is not sure how to react and is excited and nervous at the same time. She is testing different behaviors to determine which behaviors will end in an intended result. Many of these behaviors, once tried, will be abandoned. Some will be kept, and incorporated into her normal lifestyle. Which will they be? That depends on what outcomes she experiences. At this age the approval of parents is pretty important, so your response to them will certainly be an influence. But so too will be outside influences, such as explicit rewards or punishments, the approval of teachers and, of course, her friends. You have a great deal of influence as her parent. When she is this young she will listen to you. Later on is another story. Your influence appears in two ways. 1. Your emotional reaction to her behaviors. Do you approve or disapprove of her behaviors? 2. Your control of external factors. You can decide what school she goes to, and the types of people she will meet at school and in your neighborhood. You can also impose rewards, punishments, and constraints (such as permissions to do or not do activities). Putting all this together, and taking a strategic overview, these are the types of questions you would want to be asking yourself: Do you think your daughter is just experimenting with her behaviors and that it will pass? If you do, then don't worry about it. She will eventually move on to appropriate behavior. Kids tend to do mischievous things at this age and still end up to be productive adults. One thing to consideration is the intensity of reaction you demonstrate to bad behavior. Take swearing for example. If you become exasperated every time she swears, she may view swearing as an adventure because she wants to see you get bent out of shape. If you think that her bad behavior is escalating too much then you need to do something to thwart it. At this point you will need to rely on your judgement of the situation. Are you doing all the things you can as a parent? Make sure that you are a positive role model. Remember, you have a significant influence on her. Then look at the school and neighborhood. Do the kids, by and large, turn out okay? Or is everyone on drugs by the time they are 13? Speak with other parents and teachers. Most schools have a "culture" and it may just be that this is the culture in this school - i.e. that lots of kids go through this phase and then settle down, rather like the toilet jokes when they are 7 and 8. Or it may be that the teachers are greatly concerned. Unfortunately, you can't watch over every influence in your child's life. You also can't be 100% sure that your daughter will learn right from wrong. However, you can improve the odds of this. Your influence as a parent is great and you should be a positive role model for your child.
Article Source: http://www.bodyformind.com/db
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