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In Denmark, couples therapy is called "parterapi", and in the tiny Scandinavian country with divorce rates at close to a world record this is an important word to know. Parterapi is regarded by many I've spoken to as a last ditch effort. After a long period marked by great dissatisfaction, one is almost ready for divorce. Long talks and arguments haven't helped. Neither has speaking with friends and relatives, priests and bartenders. All the good advice one gets seems difficult to apply and one is close to giving up. Parterapi is seen by many as the last resort. The final step in an heroic attempt at saving a realtionship on the brink of failure. Having to pay for outside help is also painful. And is it worth the money ?... When a couple arrives at therapy, the expectations of the two individuals are very often quite dissimilar. For some the end has already been reached. Hope is gone and help is needed to end the often painful situation. The man, or the woman, may not really want to go into therapy but has let him/herself be "dragged" into therapy so as not be regarded as the one who, in the end, wasn't willing, or able to take part in the rescue attempt. Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy realtionship they had before it all went wrong. - and many are told, to their surprise, that the therapist cannot offer a magical cure. They discover that they need to begin a period of hard work and that the help they can get from a therapist consists of guidance and support in the rebuiding of a stable and trustful relationship. They also discover that it may take more time than they thought and that the work involved may be harder than anticipated and that progress may not be smooth but that relapses can be expected. Hopefully they will share laughter and tears along the way and find the courage to continue. Courage is needed to open up and reveal one's thoughts and aspirations to another. It takes courage to share feelings, to allow another to see one's strengths and weaknesses. And it takes courage to open oneself to another, vulnerable and without the protection one has built up over a lifetime. Boy ! Not strange that so many give up after a couple of tries. Or never even begin. For those who succeed, the payoff is great. They end therapy with increased confidence in themselves, in life and in each other. They acquire strategies they can apply to solve future difficulties and disagreements. They get increased insight into their own ways of meeting the world and how they are different from each other and thereby can help each other to achieve more than either can achieve alone. They often say to themselves in the end: "Whay did we wait such a long time?", "What prevented us from starting earlier?", "I wonder where we'd be today if we'd started all this long, long ago?", "If only we had known"
Article Source: http://www.bodyformind.com/db
Having marital problems? Ilan Wolffberg is an American parterapi expert and has been residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Check out his take on couples therapy at "On Couples Therapy" and in Danish at "Om parterapi" Click here to get your own unique version of this article: Uber Articles directory.
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